


Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling

by i_dreamthedream



Series: Always hopeful of romance and adventure [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 10:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13098660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_dreamthedream/pseuds/i_dreamthedream
Summary: Six months after moving to Paris, Alexander and John decide to spend Christmas togetherFeaturing a lot of cuddlings, awkwardness and love declarations





	Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I know it's been a long time since I have posted something from this serie. I got back from México, started my masters and my keyboard is malfunctionning lately. 
> 
> I also have a few on-going projects in school and in writting so be on the look out for it!

Paris in winter was definitively less agreeable than during summer or spring. The shorter days were cold and windy. It had even snowed for a few days effectively shutting down bus services and airports. In short, winter sucked even in the city of lights.

Still, Alexander hated winter on principle. The cold was not something his tropical born ass was made to endure and on that issue Paris was not much different from New York. In fact, Paris contained his boyfriend and said boyfriend was a great source of body heat from where they were pressed together on his couch so Paris was arguably better than New York on that front.

He had been living in France for almost six months now and he liked it. He appreciated the life full of culture and old stones and the way he seemed to still stumble onto places he hadn’t seen yet. He loved going to the theatre with Laf and Adri even though they only went to hipstery plays. Of course there were a few downsides as well. New York had been an on-going buzz that had settled under his skin for more than ten years. It had been the first place he’d called home after the death of his Mom and now it was an ocean away like the people he called family.

He had toyed with the idea of coming back for Christmas because he and Aaron had spent it together since the Christmas break debacle of freshman year and the idea of not being with his annoying best friend made him a tad nauseous. In the end though, he had to surrender to the practical, which was that moving to France had been quite expensive in itself and he had only been working for three months at his new firm so it seemed unreasonable to take a paid leave to buy an expensive plane ticket to New York City. Still the idea that he would not eat Theo Christmas pudding or drink Peggy’s punch for New Year’s at the Schuylers’ was a little unsettling.

At the same time though, the prospect of his first Christmas with John was exhilarating and slightly terrifying. That is, if they were spending it together. That tiny little detail hadn’t been explicitly stated yet and Alex had no idea on how to bring up the subject. What if he came across to eager or whatever? He didn’t want to scare John off or to force him to spend Christmas with him if he had other plans! What did John usually do for Christmas? He scraped off his brain for any recollection of information John might have let slipped but couldn’t recall anything of the kind. Maybe he was planning to spend Christmas with their friends and in that case, was Alex invited as well? He thought he’d fit in well enough with them but maybe that still didn’t grant him Christmas invitation privileges.

His train of thoughts was leaning toward that dangerous path when John groaned against his chest.

“I can hear you thinking,” he grumbled, looking up.

They were lying on the couch, with the TV set on something stupid none of them had pretended to still be watching for the last thirty minutes. John was comfortably nested between his legs and cuddling him with great dedication. His curls were wildly hanging around his face and he had the mark of Alexander’s shirt on his cheek. That was probably way cuter than it ought to be. His boyfriend was spending a lot of time in Alexander’s apartment recently and somehow the magic hadn’t broken yet. Alex kept expecting his bad habits to get in their way or to suddenly discover something horrible about John that would send him running. And yet John remained disgustingly beautiful and funny and smart and quirky and _gosh_ life was so unfair.

John’s hand went to stop his fingers, which had been rhythmically tapping against the couch for the past few minutes. He looked concerned. Betrayed by his own body, damn! He brought their hands on Alexander’s chest and laced their fingers together against Alexander’s accelerating heartbeat.

“What’s on your mind?” John asked gently.

“Nothin’,” Alex replied. John arched an eyebrow. “It’s not important,” he amended, “something I need to figure out is all…”

John studied him quizzically, his nose only a few inches away from Alexander’s, almost touching. When he found whatever it was he was looking for on his face, he leaned down.

“Want me to take your mind off of it?” He whispered.

Alex shivered. It had nothing to do with the cold winter air though.

“And how do you suggest to do that?”

John’s lips had already moved to the skin of his neck, not quite touching. Alex could feel his breathing and it was giving him goose bumps.

“Hmm, I’m sure I can figure out something.”

Alex had unconsciously threaded his fingers into the curly strands at the base of John’s nape and his other hand had moved to the small of John’s back. He used his leverage to get John back at the same eye-level and kissed him.

Kissing John was a full-body experience, something Alex kept rediscovering every time they were together. Nothing could get him out of his own head that well because John was everywhere, touching every spot on Alex’ body that made him go wild, like he was a music instrument and John was the only one who could read the partition. John had no qualms turning Alex into a whimpering mess and Alex trusted him to put him back together more than anybody before.

Alexander Hamilton was a tad bit in love with John Laurens. He hadn’t said it out loud – their relationship was going alarmingly fast already – yet he suspected John knew. It had kinda been implied when Alex moved to France to be with him after all.

Alexander’s last coherent thoughts before surrendering to the wonders of John’s mouth on him was that he should tell him soon. Because he loved his boyfriend and he wanted to spend Christmas with him.

.

The matter is brought up again a few days later. They were at John’s this time, because he has a few deadlines on project and has procrastinated until the very last minute to work on them. He was planning on pulling an all-nighter and Alex said he would bring him something to eat. It was a poorly disguised attempts to check on John and force him to take a break. He was well aware of the irony given the number of times Aaron had to do the same for him when they were in college. Well it was never too late to learn, he supposed.

The Chinese take-out was spread out on the couch and the coffee table, the amount a bit ridiculous but Alex had a passion for noodles that needed to be satisfied. He ate too much of it and ended up on the couch, momentarily unable to move while John was working at his desk. Alex squinted at the screen of the computer, trying to understand what he was doing with those images but as always the mere concept was eluding him.

The small room was lit by the fairy lights that John had put by the shelves and as usual, John was working with music, some electric beat that Alexander had never heard before. Or maybe he had, honestly he couldn’t identify or recognize half of the crap that was going out of John’s iPod most of the time. He wondered what it said about him as a boyfriend.

Something unusual caught his eyes in the corner.

“ _What_ is that?”

John turned around and laughed. The object in question was a small artificial pine, shaped like a Christmas tree and with a little Santa hat, not all unusual to find in an apartment at that time of the year. The originality lied in the two huge globes shaped like eyes. The whole thing freaked him out.

“That’s just Victor,” John said. He got up and fetched the object. He fumbled a little with what Alex realized was a power button and then the stuff started to _fucking sing!_

_“Le temps des réjouissances est arrivé!_

_Vive le vent,_

_Vive le vent,_

_Vive le vent d’hiver!”_

John was chuckling and Alex looked positively horrified.

“Did you seriously named that thing _Victor?!_ And did Victor just sing _Jingle Bells_ in French?”

“Uh-uh,” John giggled. “It also does _Twelve days of Christmas_!”

“Why?”

“Herc gave it to me as a Christmas gift the first year after I met them. He’s the one who named him.”

“Is that how you’ve spent Christmas for the past years? Receiving creepy gifts from Mulligan?” Alexander asked.

“Pretty much,” John smiled. “I used to go with him and Cato back to Ireland. His relatives are all batshit crazy let me tell you!”

“Used to?” Alex said carefully.

“Hum yeah,” John turned back round to his computer to hide blush. “I kinda told him that I would stay here this year. Just ‘cause, y’know… You’re not going home so I thought you might want to… yeah…”

“Yeah sure…” Alex answered, feeling his heart beating rapidly and the blood rushing to his face. It stung a little, that John had said home instead of New York but that was a conversation for another day. There was a more pressing matter they needed to sort out: “So what are we doing for Christmas then?”

Good, good, Hamilton thought, very casual; not at all on the verge of hyperventilation.

“Hum… I’m not… sure actually… I wasn’t sure we were doing something so…” John half-shrugged, half-stuttered. This was officially the most awkward conversation they ever had. For _fuck sake_ it had taken them less than a two-minute conversation to clear up their relationship status over pizza boxes and plastic cups and now they couldn’t figure out what to do for Christmas?

“Well we don’t need to do something fancy or anything,” Alex babbled. “It’s probably too late for reservation anyway so we could just… stay at my place and eat or something.”

“Or something,” John repeated, grinning.

“Shut up!”

“Alright sounds good to me,” John smiled. “I’ll cook up something in that big and unused kitchen of yours and we can do presents.”

“Ok,” Alex nodded. There was a substantial pause, long enough that John deemed the conversation closed and turned back toward his computer. “Do you still have some clothes I can sleep in?” Alex eventually asked.

“Probably yeah,” John answered. He turned around in his chair, the old thing made a horrible squeaking sound. “You don’t have to though, I probably won’t even go to bed and you have to go to work in the morning.”

“S’alright,” Alex shrugged.

The fact that he meant it was barely a surprised. He knew he wouldn’t have done so a few years ago and even less in Law School. Here though and with John, it was not the same. He didn’t know if it was because of the apathy of his last months in New York, the newness of Paris or just John or a combination of the three. What he knew though was that now silence wasn’t as deafening as it used to be. The hours did not beg to be filled with accomplished work and words of justice. Here he enjoyed nights out to bars and clubs with John, museums and sleeping in on weekends. He changed into a pair of his old sweatpants he found in John’s closet and a hoodie that definitively did not belong to him. He settled on the couch with a book, some biography of a dead white dude he usually read on the subway. It was interesting and it kept him entertained until sleep felt heavier and heavier on his eyelids. He yawned loudly.

He reasoned that it was time to go to bed but he thought he might check on John one last time. He hooked his arms around John’s neck and kissed him behind his ear.

“Sure you don’t wanna go to bed with me love? I’ll keep you warm.”

John chuckled, and then started to groan when Alex dug his fingers in the knots of his shoulders.

“That’s a tempting offer,” John admitted. “Unfortunately this is due in eight hours.”

“Why did you wait that long to start it?”

“Because people like you finish their assignments three weeks in advance so the world need people like me to even things out. Really that one is on you babe!”

Alex pinched his skin in retaliation.

“I’m really sorry babe,” John lamented. “I’ll see you in the morning though, with probably like a gallon of coffee.”

Alex grunted and kissed him slowly half a dozen times before John shoved him off.

“See you tomorrow asshole,” Alex laughed.

_“Bonne nuit!”_

.

John had decided to spend this Christmas with Alex since before Mulligan asked if he’d be joining them again. To be fair, Herc had said that Alex was also welcomed to join in. John had still declined. He was a little selfish and a little sentimental so he wanted to do something special for his boyfriend. He knew Alex was missing his friends even though the man didn’t really that so. John however was not blind. And it was not like it was surprising, Alex had uprooted his life drastically was he moved and though it wasn’t exactly a spur of the moment decision, it didn’t qualify as thought through either. So John planned to make up for the fact that Alex wouldn’t spend Christmas in New York with great food, his best pair of slacks and holiday sex in silk sheets.

(It was good they were doing it at Alexander’s because the most elaborate he could do with his kitchen was eating the rice while the meat cooked and his mattress had seen better days.)

Part of him was also compensating because December meant his heating bill was higher than usual so he was a little low on funds to spend in a thoughtful yet expensive gift the way Alex did for his birthday. There was guilt in the bottom of his stomach every time he opened one of the painting tubes and then he felt ungrateful when he didn’t. So even though it wasn’t much, John was hoping that Alex would like the gesture, however small.

.

There was a heavenly smell coming from his kitchen, which meant that Alex was not cooking. As a matter of fact, he was sipping a glass of wine while his boyfriend was behind the stove. Alex was shamelessly ogling John’s butt from the table. It was Christmas Eve and they were having their first Christmas together.

When he had left John’s apartment for work a few weeks ago, Alex had suddenly realized that spending Christmas with John meant _buying a fucking gift_ for John, a detail that had totally eluded him until then. And even worse, all his thoughtful-gift-idea quota was gone since October when he set an awfully high precedent for John’s birthday.

Shit. Not good. Very bad actually.

The thought had been bothering him for days. He’s been so fidgety when he met up with Herc and Adrienne the other day that they both made him spill the beans before the waiter could take their order. Adrienne had laughed at his face. If anyone else had done so he might have taken offence but she did every other day so it really wasn’t surprising. Fortunately Hercules had been more sympathetic.

(Which definitively did not mean he restrained from mockery. They really needed new friends.)

Alex had walked out of the restaurant with the address of a shop and the assurance from Herc that he would find a present for John there without much trouble. Despite his skepticism, Alex left work an hour early the next day to make the subway ride to the Latin Quarter. The place was right outside the metro station and before he even set foot inside, he understood why Mulligan gave him the address. From the storefront, he could see at least three Harry Potter wands, a ring to rule them all and a Magneto figurine. For nerds like Hercules and his boyfriend, this place seemed to be paradise.

He wandered around inside, not recognizing half the characters and references he saw. The few he did recognize he wasn’t sure if John liked or not. He was beginning to doubt that he would actually be able to find a Christmas for his boyfriend here when he spotted some Doctor Who merchandise.

 _Finally!_ Hamilton had thought, _something I have expertise upon._

He marveled before the items and laughed at some of them. Ok, maybe he was a nerd himself. At least it came in handy right now.

John was stirring the sauce and the turkey was cooking in the oven. John had also bought one of those _bûche de Noël_ that French ate during the holidays and there were some toasts with _foie gras_ as appetizers _._

“You do realize that it’s just the two of us,” Alex said. “Unless you have invited half a regiment, we’ll eat all this food until New Years’!”

“We’ll manage I think,” John shrugged, most of his attention focused on the thickening sauce.

Alex hummed. He finished his glass while John turned off the stove and fumbled a little with the buttons on the oven.

“You really didn’t need to go through that much trouble,” Alexander said. “It’s not like you’re not getting lucky tonight anyway,” he waggled his eyebrows. John huffed.

“I’m gonna get changed,” he said in lieu of answering, “do you mind making sure the turkey doesn’t burn?”

“No promises,” Alex replied. Then, as an afterthought: “you don’t have to change either, y’know? It’s just the two of us…”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” John answered dryly. “These clothes stink, that’s all. And I’m sweaty from the stove and all the cooking so I’ll just take a quick shower. Be right back!”

Alexander nodded, wondering why John was acting odd about all this. He usually wasn’t one to turn down any of Alexander’s sexual offers. It’s not like this was his greatest line but certainly it didn’t deserve to be ignored like that.

When John got back, they ate their toasts while Alex complained once again about the existential crisis every French politician seemed to have about the nativity scenes in public places. His boyfriend’s expression was fond so he put aside his earlier doubts and focused on the conversation.

The kitchen timer rang and John hurried to deal with the food. Alex retrieved their drink to the dining table he had set earlier. John had insisted they actually used it, instead of dining on the couch. Alexander was pretty sure the place mats had never been used in the past six months. To be fair, he had forgotten he even had them. They must have come with the whole kitchen set he had bought when he moved in because he was too lazy to actually bothered to set foot inside the shop.

They sat down and started to eat. It was really good; John had really stepped up his game. Yet he seemed to sit on the edge of his chair and barely talked. Alex joked about having John more in his kitchen for him to relax. John just gave him a smile that was a little congested before he got up to get the salad. Honestly he stood up so fast it was as if his chair was on fire. Or like he could not stand to be in Alexander’s presence one more second. Alex wasn’t sure which option he preferred.

He didn’t say anything when John got back, choosing to reserve some wine to both of them. John apparently wasn’t in the mood for conversation so they just ate in silence. Well relative silence since there was the Christmas playlist from John’s phone plugged into his speakers. So it was more like no talking while Michael Bublé was singing. Now silence per se wasn’t necessarily bad or even different from their usual meal together except they could barely look at each other and the whole meal had just taken a turn for awkward really fast. Alexander wasn’t sure how to make things normal again.

When they cleared up their plates, twenty minutes, three wineglasses and one Mariah Carey song later, Alex decided that he needed to do something fast before this became their first and last Christmas together.

John was cutting the _bûche_ when Alexander said: “So I either did or said something incredibly wrong – and if I did, I’m really sorry. Don’t look at me like that and for the love of God, don’t say that everything is fine!” he added when John looked like he was about to protest.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” John mumbled, eyes focused on dessert.

“Then don’t take this the wrong way babe, but what on _Earth_ is going on with you?”

Alex made sure not to shout, he didn’t want to cause unnecessary fighting. And it wasn’t like he was angry with John. He just wanted to understand the situation.

His boyfriend sighed and slumped down, finally using the chair to its full capacity.

“I’m sorry,” John said. “I’m an idiot.”

Alex rolled his eyes and tentatively reached out to squeeze John’s shoulder. When his boyfriend visibly relaxed at the touch, Alexander let himself fall right onto his lap. John wrapped his arms around his waist and hid his face in the crook of Alexander’s neck. Now even though this was a very comfortable position – definitively more so than the one they were only a short ten minutes prior – Alex still wanted to know what this was all about. He nudged John up, coaxed him out of his hiding places with sweet nonsense and light kisses. John giggled happily and the sound was doing something weird to Alexander’s stomach.

“Wanna explain this to me?” he asked softly.

“Not particularly.”

Alex bit John’s shoulder.

“Ow! Alright, ok! I’ll tell you! Seriously, are you some kind of animal?!” John exclaimed, incredulous. Alex grinned.

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting strange,” John said slowly. “And I’m sorry that I can’t really explain why. I think I had this big fantasy of how tonight was gonna play out and I just… I don’t know, I tried to hard I guess? With all the food and the _hors d’oeuvres…”_

“And eating at the table!”

“And eating at the table. Have you ever use that thing to eat by the way? It just looks so clean and new! It’s weird!”

“It’s because it didn’t come from the flea market and stealing from other people’s trash!”

“That’s called _recuperation_ and _being poor,_ Hamilton!”

They grinned at each other, Alex still precariously sitting on John. But he was still incredibly released to be back to their usual banter.

“Anyway,” John shook his head. “I’m sorry. I wanted this to be a nice Christmas dinner for the two of us and all I’ve managed to do is turn it into one of my Dad’s dinner party with white shit from SC Congress.”

“S’okay,” Alex said. “Wanna eat that stuff on the couch?”

“Sure.”

Things got lighter from then on and they stuffed themselves with good pastry. It was a miracle none of it ended up on the couch really. John told him that the nativity debate would come back every year so seriously _do not go into it it’s so stupid, just Christians feeling threatened in their goddamn traditions!_ Then he recalled stories about messing around with the son of one of his Dad’s politician friend while he was younger. Alexander was looking at him, feet comfortably nested on John’s lap, melting just a little every time John smiled.

“Shall we do present now?” Alex asked when the clock was ticking near midnight already.

He watched anxiously as John tore apart the wrapping paper, revealing his gift.

“Is that a TARDIS cookie box?” John grinned. “You’re the best!”

“Open the box,” Alex urged him on.

John took a peak inside, curious and then chuckled.

“Oreos and crocodiles, you know me very well Hamilton. Thank you,” he added, voice soft and sincere. He pecked Alexander’s lips.

“You’re very welcome, Laurens.”

John then fidgeted a little over the inside pocket of his jacket until he retrieved an envelope.

“So I should probably explain,” he started nervously. “I kinda intended for the whole meal to be part of my present – y’know, ‘cause it wasn’t supposed to be this awkward. Anyway the point is, this isn’t technically just from me and I realize it’s not how it’s supposed to be done but well… You know what? Just… here!” he shoved the envelope into Alexander’s hands and pointedly looked anywhere but Alexander’s face.

 _Well at least now I know why he won’t look at me,_ Alex thought.

He opened the envelope. John was chewing on his bottom lip and watching him. He took out what was inside and then…

Blinked. Once, then twice.

He was frozen on his spot, absolutely unable to move.

“Alex? Alexander?”

He snapped out of his trance to look at John then looked back toward the plane tickets.

“We’re going to DC?” He asked at long last.

“Well that’s the thing,” John chuckled nervously. “See I called Burr to ask if you guys had any special traditions for Christmas or something like that and he ended up telling me that he and Theo had picked a date for the wedding and they’d love us to come over then. And so I said like, ‘sure’ and next thing I know the guy has bought us two plane tickets for June and tells me I should surprise you with them on Christmas day so… Merry Christmas?”

Alexander burst out laughing. Of course, _of course,_ Aaron would do something like that rather than say that he wants Alex to come back and that he might just miss him a tiny bit. And John’s cheeks were slightly pink, probably to be offering a present that was not his own and who had made so much effort to made tonight special. And maybe… maybe a little because he had been invited by Alexander’s _best friend_ to come to his wedding – he checked the date on the ticket – six months from now. Because all of this implied a future, a commitment that neither of them had voiced out loud yet. Well…

“This is great!” He launched himself at John, somehow without punching him inadvertently and ending up straddling his hips.

“I can’t wait for us to go, I can’t wait for you to meet my friends,” he grinned and John grinned back.

“Me too,” he murmured back.

“And thank you, for tonight,” Alex said. “I know you think it’s not much but it was a great evening. It was excellent, the food and the company,” he winked. John snorted, amused. “Seriously,” Alex continued, “I’m glad to be here. The holidays are a time you’re supposed to spend with family and I… I kinda feel like I am so…”

John nodded. “So do I,” he said chocking a little.

They kissed, languorously and unhurriedly. Alex loved the way John’s hands feel on his body, how his touch was gentle and sure at the same time. He threaded his fingers through John’s hair, messing up the way John had carefully styled it earlier and totally unrepentant about it.

“You’re my family,” Alex smiled when they parted. “I… I love you John Laurens.”

Alex felt more than he heard John’s answer. He felt it in all the places their bodies were touching, from the way his toes curled around his ankles to the bright smile against his cheek. He felt his breath hitched and how he tensed for a second before his whole being surrendered to relaxation.

“I love you too, Alexander Hamilton.”

They kissed again, and again and again. Just light pecks because they’re smiling too much at first, then Alex took it upon himself to kiss each and every freckles he could reach before opening the first button of John’s shirt and now he was sucking a hickey on his collarbone. He could hear John heavily breathing, his hips thrusting up shallowly.

“I think it’s time to relocate,” John panted. Since Alex didn’t move, he shoved him down on the floor. Alexander yelped. John laughed. He touched the tender spot on his skin absently, smirking down at him.

“You’re an ass Laurens!”

John snickered and they raced to the bedroom, their laughter echoing behind them.

Later, much later they’re in each other’s arms, smiling dopily.

“You’re staying right?” Alex asked around a yawn.

“Unless you’re kicking me out,” John nodded. “And since you won’t expulse you’re dear boyfriend _that you love–”_ he said pointedly. Alex tried to glare at him but giving John’s expression, he probably looked like the lovesick idiot he was; “–outside in winter when it’s like 3am, then yes I’m staying.”

“Smartass!”

“Takes one to know one!”

“Anyway,” Alex started. “I meant are you staying tomorrow too? Because the turkey is still uneaten mostly. Plus there’s the Doctor Who Christmas special streaming at like seven on the BBC so…”

“Sounds good,” John smiled.

“What I mean is…” Alex said deliberately. “That since you talked to Aaron and he probably told you we didn’t have many traditions… Truth be told we first started spending Christmas together out of other options really so… So I guess I thought this could be ours?”

There was a beat of silence and John carefully chose his next words.

“That would be very nice,” John eventually answered. It took some time because _it sounds like the best tradition since lighting candles with my Mom before Christmas dinner_ was maybe too much emotion for tonight.

He settled for bringing Alexander closer to him. His boyfriend’s head was resting on his chest. He dropped a kiss on his hairline and murmured that he loved him. Alex said it back, without hesitation even though he was barely awake and conscious.

Outside, the wind was whirling and snow was falling. The noises were barely audible over their beating heats. And so they slept.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays and here's to a less crappy 2018!
> 
> Come say hi on [ Tumblr ](http://i-dreamthedream.tumblr.com/) and remember this serie has a [ sideblog! ](http://smallcitygreatrenown.tumblr.com/)


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